i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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