my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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