Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
