I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
