And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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