Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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