i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
