hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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