if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
