he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
