I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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