then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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