please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
