I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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