Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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