shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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