i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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