Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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