perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
