either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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