so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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