Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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