I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
