Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
