If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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