At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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