I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
