why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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