they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
