So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize