When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
