i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
