I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
