Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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