This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
