I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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