im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
