ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He shit in the fireplace
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
