Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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