did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
