I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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