I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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