I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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