I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize