WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
