You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
