there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
