Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
