I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
