Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
