just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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