omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
