so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
