I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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