this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize