Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
