I'm pants shitting drunk right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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